what's a bernsberry?

purists must hate me

hayate ep6 (#7)... just typed a sentence wherein the second phrase should come in first, but conversationally, it's better to put it last. :D and it's considered gramatically incorrect in filipino grammar. hehe. i intended to do that, plus broke other rules for similar reasons. hey, it's a script anyway, and it's perfectly fine to be innovative. :)

purists must hate me. :P

naive

i'm not innocent. i'm just so naive.

i don't know a thing about men. i don't know how they think.

this puts me in a scary position... especially now that i'm inlove. 

plus, he's a man now. we're not kids anymore. i should stop myself from seeing him as a little boy... though i really see a little boy in him. the boy i didn't get to know years back. the boy i ran away from... and wish i knew.

he's different now. and he may not be the person i think he is.

what the fuck is wrong with me?! i'm still so attracted to him. i'm still so drawn to him.

what is it about his face that resonates with mine? why do we look so similar? like he's somebody so familiar to me? 

i need to know.

i desperately need to know.

being ready

im excited to be ready! 

im excited for what God has in store for me. 

im excited to know.. to find out. 

even if i experience something so wonderful the past few days - especially with the joy & security & beauty i felt/experienced last night and this morning, i still believe so much that God is at work in my life - even if somebody just said this morning that i don't get it - that im going out of God's will just because i don't have a church i go to now, and that im not growing. in fact, it's the opposite. i can feel God ever so present in my life, and that i am growing, and being trained & disciplined by Him, hearing Him, experiencing His love for me, and understanding His best. just because i'm not going to their church anymore doesnt mean im turning my back on God. 

anyhoo, listening to the song asleep (by emily browning) before i go to sleep... wishing i coud transfer to ahneeh's apt and leave this house. 

cant process what i feel. im happy that tomorrow's gonna be my birthday, yet sad being here... it's just me here today. ahneeh will sleep better in the apt. my room is like an incubator again. -.- and worse, they are smoking again. oh well, what do i expect from incoseiderate beings anyway. 

 

there's a better place. if God wills it, i can transfer. 

nyt dear self. happy birthday. 

many are posting in fb about the end of the world being tom, may 21, 2011. etchos.

ang saya-saya ng birthday ko ah. hehe. :D

all i know is God blessed me with this life, and i am thankful. :)

:(

they're smoking again. no self-respect and therefore, no respect for others as well. 

told my mom about and asked if thats just okay with her. she just ignored me. like she heard nothing... at all. 

i want to leave this place na.

T^T

maaan... nakakapanghina.im reviewing the converstaion we had cos im abt to write a letter na.... 

ang hirap niyang kausap kaya ive thought of writing a letter instead of talking personally muna. 

para kasi akong ginagago dun sa chat... di siya nakikinig... :( ang heerap! ang heerap maging ate sa kanya. T^T

 

for the nth time... :(

the justice system here in our country is just so... sucky. >(    oh well... awts amp! >.<

this test of patience takes on a new level. thanks to my attorney for reminding me. 

it takes a considerable amount of strength to live in a broken world where people act so unfairly...

wala nanaman yung judge... same pattern like before. again... and again... and to think, i even dared to ask my boss to adjust the deadline for my work so i can prepare for the hearing... sacrificed my sleep & even skipped my morning exercise... and go all the way to th rtc... not to mention postponing some important things i need to do! :(  even my lawyers are on a huge disadvantage bringing all the equipment for the presentation of evidence... it was too cumbersome for them, for us. and the irresponsible judge w/o prior notice was on leave (he called daw just minutes before the hearing). drat. how "honorable". talk about being incredibly inconsiderate. pfft.>(

fighting for what is right takes a toll on me now. too tired, frustrated and sad that i don't even have the energy to be angry anymore.

the only thing i can do for now is to stretch my patience. this cause is still worth fighting for.

but it's just... nakakapagod... for doing all that it takes and sacrificing so much to stand for what's right. it feels like my heart is being scarred and crushed. not just about the case, but also the series of events that recently occurred.

thank you, dear God for being with me on this. 

that's why deep inside, i still feel a sense of peace, despite all the turmoil. 

ganbare 

*sigh of relief* feelin better now that i hear "awit ni maya" again. 

felt so sad and frustrated seeing that people don't really care as much and give snakes the judgment they don't deserve. worse, mistreat them. that's why i'm not confident releasing betty the baby retic in the grassy area in this village. the better option would be louie's advice - near the mountain than a residential area. 

 

heartache pa... *sigh* this will be fixed. i dont my heart is that broken anyway. wala pa to sa pinagdaanan ni ahneeh. but last night (crying b4 going to sleep), i realized God is allowing me to eel this so i can understnd my friend better. 

now i knnow what it feels to care & love and then be rejected, misunderstood, judged, ignored... as if the people you care about don't really care... 

 

thankful din kay bam for being sensitive after i communicated how bad i felt about the thinngs he said re the snake. that kind of sorry is sincere. he made efforts talaga to fix the sitch.

so it was just a laughing matter to him. i can't believe it. i don't want to believe it. 

and now she says it's just pride.

i feel like im being crushed.

...so much for hoping for people to understand. :( 

 

sucks